在低語中消失

創作理念

對我來說，人的記憶力是一件很特別的事情。回想起一到六歲的時光，都在老家度過；六歲搬出去以後，就也不常回老家了。我覺得記憶是一種養分，記憶像是氣泡帶來的氧氣，滋潤我們，進而影響生活。

爺爺大概是在前年開始失智退化。在還沒深入了解這個東西之前，我以為退化這件事是緩慢的，但並非如此，反而像是中了什麼病症一樣，在一瞬間就忘掉所有。伴隨而來的是行動不便還有聽覺的剝奪，帶著助聽器，忍受機器刺耳的電子訊號聲。之後我開始思考，如果記憶消失，會不會像是忘記自己存在；而聽不見，是不是更忘記自己正在經歷這些。水底不斷浮起的泡泡在接觸空氣後炸開消散，但缸中的魚又不得不仰賴提供氧氣的氣泡。

作品的名稱「在低語中消失」取自於英國詩人艾略特的詩作 The Hollow Men。《空心人》講述有形但無神的狀態，而其中「不是轟然，而是一聲嘆息」與作品傳達的概念非常相似。水底不斷浮起氣泡然後消失，在記憶之後，還剩下什麼。

For me, memory is something very special. When I think back to the time between the ages of one and six, I spent those years at my grandparents’ home. After moving away at six, I rarely returned. I feel that memory is a kind of nourishment—like bubbles carrying oxygen, sustaining us and, in turn, shaping our lives.

My grandfather began to experience cognitive decline around two years ago. Before I truly understood it, I thought this kind of deterioration would be gradual. But it was not. Instead, it felt like a sudden onset, as if struck by an illness—memories disappearing in an instant. Along with this came reduced mobility and the loss of hearing. Even with a hearing aid, he endures the piercing, artificial electronic noise.

This led me to wonder: if memory disappears, is it like forgetting one’s own existence? And if one cannot hear, does it mean forgetting that one is even experiencing anything at all? Bubbles continuously rise from the depths of the water, only to burst and vanish upon reaching the surface. Yet the fish in the tank must rely on these bubbles for oxygen.

The title of my work, “Fading in Whispers,” is inspired by a line from The Hollow Men by the British poet T. S. Eliot. The poem speaks of a state that is physically present but spiritually hollow. In particular, the line “not with a bang but a whimper” closely resonates with the concept of my work. Just like the bubbles rising and disappearing underwater—after memory fades, what remains?